"I'm Not An Asshole I'm A Hemorrhoid" Graphic T-Shirt - Hilarious Sarcastic Adult Humor Tee
"I'm Not An Asshole I'm A Hemorrhoid" Graphic T-Shirt - Hilarious Sarcastic Adult Humor Tee
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Very responsive and super helpful in creating the perfect design for the embroidery. My lover absolutely adored it. The couple customization is brilliant and is such o thoughtful gift idea, as well! Love it!
Lexie Gilmore
★★★★★The sweatshirt and embroidery is wonderful! I ordered this as a gift for my girlfriend and she loves it! The quality is so good and the embroidery was exactly as the reference picture! It also came super quickly and turned out very nicely!
Natasha Kotal
★★★★★Great item for couple! The sweater is so soft inside and the embroidery is exactly what I requested. The Couplematching support was quick and helpful when I had a question about the item, and catered to my needs as I had specific, would definitely recommend to others!
Lynelly Blackett
★★★★★
Size Guide
Product measurements
(*) Please note that there might be a ±1.0 inches difference due to manual measurement and production processes.
Chest:Â Measured across the chest one inch below armhole when laid flat
Body Length:Â Measured from high point of shoulder from the back
Sleeve Length:Â Start at center of neck and measure down shoulder, down sleeve to hem.
Size guide text
Serve up unhinged sarcastic humor, warn the world about your specific brand of irritation, and claim your title as the ultimate pain in the ass with the "I'm Not An Asshole I'm A Hemorrhoid" Graphic T-Shirt. Purpose-built for quick-witted smartasses, sarcastic humor lovers, lovers of crude jokes, and anyone who takes pride in driving people just a little bit crazy, this graphic top turns pure petty comedy into an essential everyday statement piece.
Crafted from 100% premium ring-spun soft cotton, this short-sleeve crewneck tee delivers an ultra-soft hand feel, lightweight skin-friendly breathability, and pre-shrunk structural durability to handle daily wear. Designed in a versatile unisex relaxed fit with clean neckband tailoring and heavy-duty double-needle stitching, it pairs effortlessly with casual denim, sweatpants, or lounge shorts—making it an ideal choice for relaxed weekends, game nights with friends, casual hangouts, or a hilarious gag gift for the family irritant.
Why Sarcasm & Offbeat Humor Fans Choose This Tee:
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Hilarious Adult Humor Graphic: Features high-definition prints displaying the blunt, witty punchline "I'm Not An Asshole I'm A Hemorrhoid — I'm An Irritant That Sits On An Asshole" across the chest in bold graphic typography.
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100% Premium Ring-Spun Cotton: Engineered with natural cotton fibers for long-lasting color richness, skin-friendly airflow, and reliable shape retention wash after wash.
-
Versatile Casual Unisex Fit: Cut to drape comfortably on all body profiles. Wear true to size for a classic everyday fit or size up for a relaxed lounge style.
-
Fade & Crack-Resistant Print Quality: Direct-to-garment apparel inks penetrate natural cotton fibers deep down—ensuring crisp lettering and bold text graphics stay sharp through repeated washing.
Product Specifications:
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Material: 100% Premium Ring-Spun Cotton
-
Fit: Unisex Relaxed Fit (True to size; check size chart for details)
-
Neckline: Classic Crew Neck / Round Neck
-
Theme: Hilarious Sarcastic Irritant Top / Funny Adult Humor Tee / Rude Snarky Quote Shirt / Gag Gift for Friends & Family
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Fulfillment: Custom-printed and shipped directly from the USA
-
Care Instructions: Machine wash cold inside out with like colors, gentle cycle. Tumble dry low. Do not iron directly on the printed graphic artwork.
POD Product Note: Custom-printed fresh upon order to celebrate crude adult humor, sarcastic personalities, and hilarious quote apparel. Product images represent visual mockups to demonstrate print placement, fabric drape, and overall fit.
Serve up unhinged sarcastic humor, warn the world about your specific brand of irritation, and claim your title as the ultimate pain in the ass with the "I'm Not An Asshole I'm A Hemorrhoid" Graphic T-Shirt. Purpose-built for quick-witted smartasses, sarcastic humor lovers, lovers of crude jokes, and anyone who takes pride in driving people just a little bit crazy, this graphic top turns pure petty comedy into an essential everyday statement piece.
Crafted from 100% premium ring-spun soft cotton, this short-sleeve crewneck tee delivers an ultra-soft hand feel, lightweight skin-friendly breathability, and pre-shrunk structural durability to handle daily wear. Designed in a versatile unisex relaxed fit with clean neckband tailoring and heavy-duty double-needle stitching, it pairs effortlessly with casual denim, sweatpants, or lounge shorts—making it an ideal choice for relaxed weekends, game nights with friends, casual hangouts, or a hilarious gag gift for the family irritant.
Why Sarcasm & Offbeat Humor Fans Choose This Tee:
-
Hilarious Adult Humor Graphic: Features high-definition prints displaying the blunt, witty punchline "I'm Not An Asshole I'm A Hemorrhoid — I'm An Irritant That Sits On An Asshole" across the chest in bold graphic typography.
-
100% Premium Ring-Spun Cotton: Engineered with natural cotton fibers for long-lasting color richness, skin-friendly airflow, and reliable shape retention wash after wash.
-
Versatile Casual Unisex Fit: Cut to drape comfortably on all body profiles. Wear true to size for a classic everyday fit or size up for a relaxed lounge style.
-
Fade & Crack-Resistant Print Quality: Direct-to-garment apparel inks penetrate natural cotton fibers deep down—ensuring crisp lettering and bold text graphics stay sharp through repeated washing.
Product Specifications:
-
Material: 100% Premium Ring-Spun Cotton
-
Fit: Unisex Relaxed Fit (True to size; check size chart for details)
-
Neckline: Classic Crew Neck / Round Neck
-
Theme: Hilarious Sarcastic Irritant Top / Funny Adult Humor Tee / Rude Snarky Quote Shirt / Gag Gift for Friends & Family
-
Fulfillment: Custom-printed and shipped directly from the USA
-
Care Instructions: Machine wash cold inside out with like colors, gentle cycle. Tumble dry low. Do not iron directly on the printed graphic artwork.
POD Product Note: Custom-printed fresh upon order to celebrate crude adult humor, sarcastic personalities, and hilarious quote apparel. Product images represent visual mockups to demonstrate print placement, fabric drape, and overall fit.
Thank you for shopping with DogMomHat.
This Shipping Policy explains how orders are processed, produced, and delivered to customers in the United States and internationally.
Order Processing & Production Time
All orders are typically processed within 24 hours after payment confirmation.
Each product is made to order. The standard production time is 1–5 business days. During peak seasons or promotional periods, production may take slightly longer. If there is an unusual delay, we will notify you by email.
Domestic Shipping (United States)
Delivery Time & Shipping Costs
Shipping costs are calculated and displayed at checkout before payment is completed.
Shipping MethodEstimated Delivery TimeCostStandard Shipping1–15 business daysFree for orders over $79
Delivery times are estimates and may vary due to carrier delays, weather conditions, or other external factors.
Shipping Destinations
DogMomHat ships to:
All U.S. states
U.S. territories
APO / FPO / DPO addresses
Please ensure your shipping address is accurate. We are not responsible for delays caused by incorrect or incomplete address information.
Shipment Confirmation & Tracking
Once your order ships, you will receive a shipping confirmation email with a tracking number.
Tracking information usually becomes active within 24 hours after shipment.
Customs, Duties & Taxes
For international orders, customers are responsible for any customs fees, import duties, or taxes imposed by their local authorities. These charges are not included in the product price or shipping cost.
Shipping Issues & Damaged Packages
DogMomHat is not responsible for packages that are lost or damaged by the shipping carrier.
However, if your order arrives damaged, please contact us promptly so we can assist you with a resolution.
Please keep all original packaging and damaged items when reporting an issue.
International Shipping
Shipping MethodEstimated Delivery TimeCostStandard International2–20 business daysCalculated at checkout
International delivery times may vary depending on destination and customs processing.
Returns
For information about returns and refunds, please refer to our Return & Refund Policy, which outlines eligibility, timelines, and procedures.
Thank you for shopping with DogMomHat.
This Shipping Policy explains how orders are processed, produced, and delivered to customers in the United States and internationally.
Order Processing & Production Time
All orders are typically processed within 24 hours after payment confirmation.
Each product is made to order. The standard production time is 1–5 business days. During peak seasons or promotional periods, production may take slightly longer. If there is an unusual delay, we will notify you by email.
Domestic Shipping (United States)
Delivery Time & Shipping Costs
Shipping costs are calculated and displayed at checkout before payment is completed.
Shipping MethodEstimated Delivery TimeCostStandard Shipping1–15 business daysFree for orders over $79
Delivery times are estimates and may vary due to carrier delays, weather conditions, or other external factors.
Shipping Destinations
DogMomHat ships to:
All U.S. states
U.S. territories
APO / FPO / DPO addresses
Please ensure your shipping address is accurate. We are not responsible for delays caused by incorrect or incomplete address information.
Shipment Confirmation & Tracking
Once your order ships, you will receive a shipping confirmation email with a tracking number.
Tracking information usually becomes active within 24 hours after shipment.
Customs, Duties & Taxes
For international orders, customers are responsible for any customs fees, import duties, or taxes imposed by their local authorities. These charges are not included in the product price or shipping cost.
Shipping Issues & Damaged Packages
DogMomHat is not responsible for packages that are lost or damaged by the shipping carrier.
However, if your order arrives damaged, please contact us promptly so we can assist you with a resolution.
Please keep all original packaging and damaged items when reporting an issue.
International Shipping
Shipping MethodEstimated Delivery TimeCostStandard International2–20 business daysCalculated at checkout
International delivery times may vary depending on destination and customs processing.
Returns
For information about returns and refunds, please refer to our Return & Refund Policy, which outlines eligibility, timelines, and procedures.
Q: How do I know what my design will look like?
A:We will send you the design and wait for your approval before processing your order.
Q: Can I change a new photo?
A:Yes, you can. Please contact us about the changes before we making the design (within 12 hours)
Q: Is it free of charge when I want to change another design?
A:You will be charge $5-$15 (depend on how complicated of the design) per design as we will start a new one from scratch.
Q: Can I see the design before purchasing?
A: Because of handmade product, we are not able to show the design before placing the order. We offer unlimitted revisions and only make embroidery once it's approved. We make sure you are 100% satisfied with the final.
Q: We don't have photo together, can you help us?
A: Yes, we can! We can make a combination for you.
Q: Where is my package?
A: When the product is shipped, an email with tracking number (as well as the link) is sent to your email address. You can track the package by using tracking number from there.
Q: Can I upgrade my shipping?
A: Yes, you can. Please contact us via our email or number as soon as possible when you want to change shipping method.
Q: What size do you offer?
We offer sizes up to 5XL for sweatshirts, hoodies, and T-shirts. They are unisex and fit true to size. For sizes above 3XL, please contact us as there may be a slight price variation.
Q: My photo will be posted on your website?
A: No, we are sure that when we don't have your permission, your photo will be not leak
Q: How do I know what my design will look like?
A:We will send you the design and wait for your approval before processing your order.
Q: Can I change a new photo?
A:Yes, you can. Please contact us about the changes before we making the design (within 12 hours)
Q: Is it free of charge when I want to change another design?
A:You will be charge $5-$15 (depend on how complicated of the design) per design as we will start a new one from scratch.
Q: Can I see the design before purchasing?
A: Because of handmade product, we are not able to show the design before placing the order. We offer unlimitted revisions and only make embroidery once it's approved. We make sure you are 100% satisfied with the final.
Q: We don't have photo together, can you help us?
A: Yes, we can! We can make a combination for you.
Q: Where is my package?
A: When the product is shipped, an email with tracking number (as well as the link) is sent to your email address. You can track the package by using tracking number from there.
Q: Can I upgrade my shipping?
A: Yes, you can. Please contact us via our email or number as soon as possible when you want to change shipping method.
Q: What size do you offer?
We offer sizes up to 5XL for sweatshirts, hoodies, and T-shirts. They are unisex and fit true to size. For sizes above 3XL, please contact us as there may be a slight price variation.
Q: My photo will be posted on your website?
A: No, we are sure that when we don't have your permission, your photo will be not leak
